Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
