You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
