Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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