My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
