I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
