Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
