ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
