just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
