Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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