There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i think my cat just said my name.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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