I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Someone shit on the floor
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
