What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
