I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I believe in your delicious
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
