I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
