you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
