her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
