So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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