Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
