I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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