My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
