i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
