The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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