Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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