I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
