mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize