i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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