Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
