I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
