Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
