Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
