sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
