And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
