I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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