Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
