So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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