It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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