Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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