i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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