All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
