if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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