you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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