She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
