Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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