I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
