I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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