it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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