haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
