Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
