oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
