im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
