I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
