Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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