Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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