saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
