I need to stop coming to work sober
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my shit smells like andre
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
