Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How external is "for external use only"?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
