It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize