And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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