his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
