Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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