Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is wine microwaveable?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
