Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
