Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
