well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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