***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
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