I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
