I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
