I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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