I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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