i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
