____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
