Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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