Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
