...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
