am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize