how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
