I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
