so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize