Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
