turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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