I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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