when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
