Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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