I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
