Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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