Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
