she looked like the bat from fern gully.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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