I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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