I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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