How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
