If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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