Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
