woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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