Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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